A DAY-TO-DAY GUIDE TO NOTABLE PROGRAMS*
MUST WATCH OF THE WEEK
The 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards
SUNDAY, JAN. 15 | 8–11PM | NBC HD
The most raucous ceremony of the awards season may mean bubkes when it comes to predicting the Oscars, but several burning questions are going to be answered: Will the Artist win all six prizes it’s up for? (No, but three seems likely.) Will double nominee Ryan Gosling — recognized for the Ides of March and Crazy, Stupid, Love — take home one of the two best-actor trophies? (Probably not, alas.) Will George Clooney make at least one acceptance speech thanks to his much-nominated toils on Ides and the Descendants? (Duh.) Will Angelina Jolie score a fourth Globe for directing best Foreign Language Film nominee In the Land of Blood and Honey? (She’s up against Pedro Almodóvar and Zhang Yimou, but it could happen.) and finally: Will naughty host Ricky Gervais generally annoy the room? (We can only hope.)
The UFC meets the MTV youth reality-show genre — and breaks its nose — in this fascinating series that tracks a bunch of small-town Louisiana cage battlers and their lives of not-so-quiet desperation. even the overly strenuous attempts to amp up drama are revelatory. I don’t care whether new father Wes makes weight for Saturday’s big fight, but I am interested that he decides to adopt what he refers to as the “Bud Light diet.” the result is both comic and heart-wrenching — though, with luck, not literally so. B+
Ben shows one contestant old home movies and takes another for a walk in the woods. Is this guy a serial killer or what?
America’s Money Class with Suze Orman
The financial wizard tells us how to know when we can afford a house and what to do when we’re facing foreclosure. Guess it must be “mixed message” week at OWN.
Waiter, there are cockroaches and maggots in my soup. also? There’s no soup.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Kim and her beau join the others in what we must now call the former island paradise of Hawaii.
Mike buys an elephant’s head. What a dumbo.
One of the Alaskan pilots helps a man find a remote location to propose. Awww! and brrr!
Per usual, the Bravermans put the fun in family dysfunction during tonight’s episode. There’s sibling rivalry front and center after Adam (Peter Krause) and Crosby (Dax Shepard) are profiled in a local newspaper and Adam ends up the focus of the article. Meanwhile, Amber (Mae Whitman) adjusts to working on a political campaign; Joel (Sam Jaeger) and Julia (Erika Christensen) try to resist meddling in the love life of their future baby-mama, Zoe (Rosa Salazar); and Sarah (Lauren Graham) has babies on the brain. Parenthood continues its strong third season with more deft plot juggling and an ability to be sweet without cloying. A-
— Sara Vilkomerson
Don’t believe the hype! Unless the hype says this episode finds the fiancée of Public Enemy rapper Flavor Flav changing places with the wife of Twister Sister frontman Dee Snider. In which case, believe away.
This show about six competing independent cargo carriers sounds a bit like Deadliest Catch without crabs. So at least we’ll find out if it’s always a good thing not to have crabs.
Jamie’s American Road Trip
BBC America, TV-PG HD
Cowboys in Wyoming discover whether Jamie’s cooking skills are worth a hill of beans. Mmm, a hill of beans…
Are you There, Chelsea?
I love Chelsea Handler’s books and think her late-night talk show is the perfect bedtime companion, but this sitcom will test even her most ardent fans — and won’t win her any new ones. Laura Prepon stars as Chelsea, while Handler herself appears as prudish sister Sloane. many of the plotlines are lifted (poorly) from Handler’s best-sellers, including her fascination with little people and her disgust for redheads. the remainder of the sitcom is spent trying to fill future editions of Merriam-Webster with euphemisms for vagina and sex. It’s the Lord’s work — truly. There’s one consolation for Handler fans, though: It’s not as bad as Whitney. C
— Henry Goldblatt
I’m not saying the producers of Wipeout have started naming challenges after code phrases Steven Tyler used for cocaine back in the day. I am saying contestants this week must tackle both the Snow Boot and Avalanche Alley.
17th Annual Critics’ Choice Movie Awards
The hosts are Rob Huebel, whose movie the Descendants is up for best Picture, and Paul Scheer, whose movie Piranha 3DD is, uh, not eligible until next year.
Rob Schneider. the Schneider-meister. the Robatollah. the friend-of-Adam-Sandler-orama. Makin’ a sitcom…
Bones creator Hart Hanson’s sort-of spin-off stars Geoff Stults (Happy Town) as Walter Sherman, a former military policeman who believes the brain damage he suffered in Iraq is responsible for the nonlinear thinking that now allows him to find anything and anyone (guest star John Fogerty’s guitar and a downed pilot in the premiere). “It’s got elements of the Fall Guy, the Rockford Files, and Magnum, P.I.,” Stults says. “I’ve been flying ultralights. I’ve been underwater. I’ve gotten beat up by contortionists. my whole goal is that it’s an hour of fun.”
Parks and Recreation
April and Andy adopt a pet. my guess? A rhinoceros.
Tonight’s episode of the Office answers the trivia question “On which episode of the Office did Oscar join a trivia-night contest?”
Up all Night
Reagan’s competitiveness comes out at a New Year’s Eve game night. although, really, if you’re taking part in a New Year’s Eve game night, you’ve already lost.
A high-end divorce lawyer is murdered. Wait, when did that become against the law?
At last! yes, I’ve finally found my checkbook, so you can all stop looking. In other news, Tina Fey’s sitcom returns from its long hiatus with an episode that finds Jenna ensconced as the judge everyone loves to hate on America’s Kidz got Singing and Kenneth taking the day off to do chores while he awaits the Rapture. Hey, good excuse!
Chuck and Sarah enlist the assistance of playing-herself 10 star Bo Derek. because they need someone to run down a beach in slow motion?
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
After nine seasons, the Emmy-winning show bows out by helping seven families in tornado-ravaged Joplin, Mo.
With Wesley Snipes being otherwise detained, Harold Perrineau from Lost steps in to voice “Daywalker” Eric Brooks on this animated show.
A Taste of Romance seems like the right title for a film about cooks. but we would also have accepted Recipe for Passion and Stop Dragging my Beef Hearts Around.
Daniel Radcliffe hosts, and Stefon recommends a club hosted by polka-fetish DJ Leather Locklear. maybe.
America’s got Talents
The 2012 miss America Pageant
Chris Harrison hosts, and 53 women hope that someone, somewhere is tuning in for the talent round.
Earth is threatened with destruction by a magnetized planet Mercury in this TV movie from the channel that brought us Mega Python vs. Gatoroid. On the plus side, lead actor Kirk Acevedo (Fringe) manages to utter lines like “Its magnetic signature? It’s off the charts!” without laughing. Minuses include a desperate shortage of mega pythons and, for that matter, gatoroids. C+
Remember last year when I said Armie Hammer should guest on the Simpsons as the Winklevoss twins? no? Well, I’m lawyering up anyway.
Once upon a Time
The Evil Queen makes Hansel and Gretel steal an artifact from a blind witch. That’s as easy as stealing candy from…a blind witch!
Brian dates a blind girl. (Sorry, I have a policy of not doing more than one blind-person joke per column.)
World’s Smallest Storm Chaser
Small person chasing storms? Or person chasing small storms? I honestly don’t know.
When Napoleon Dynamite awkwardly danced onto movie screens in 2004, the slice of bizarro Americana hit a nerve. but at this point, most people’s “Vote for Pedro” T-shirts have long been laid to rest in the back of the closet, so Fox’s animated series smells of mothballs. the show premieres with two episodes tonight, the first concerning a rage-causing zit cream that prompts Napoleon to join a rural fight club (the second airs at 9:30 p.m.). while many from the original cast, including Jon Heder, lend their voices, the film’s core of discomforting weirdness has been scrapped for cartoon zaniness. Gosh. C
— Keith Staskiewicz
*TIMES ARE EASTERN STANDARD AND SUBJECT TO CHANGE
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